Peace.
Peace is not something I am good at experiencing. Sometimes, it even feels like I fight against peace. The reasons for that are probably best saved for another post.
When I do feel God’s peace, however, is when I recognize that He has lifted up His countenance upon me. Those are five dollar words that mean He turns His face toward me. He shows me His face. He looks at me.
There was not a lot of peace in our house this morning when the kids got up. It was a perfect storm:
- I am having really bad reactions to the vaccine booster I got on Saturday. The fever is gone and the severe body aches are gone. But when I woke up this morning, the couple of ulcers that I have had on the roof of my mouth have spread to my tongue, throat, gums, and spread further on my palate. (Hoping it’s not actually shingles awakened by my immune response to the vaccine.)
- Ethan had moved his bunk bed out in the middle of the room. He sleeps on the top bunk and he sticks his legs through the rails and pushes away from the wall. It was farther out than I have ever seen it. Why does it matter? I am worried that one day we will come in and find he and Eli in the floor under it. Also, he is ruining the floor that we had to replace in there because he had ruined the last linoleum by, you guessed it, moving the bed.
- And the pièce de résistance, when I left the kitchen for a couple of minutes this morning, he decided to eat his scrambled eggs with his hands and had spread it all over his sweater, his face, and it was all in his hair.
So, Ethan got to spend some time on the stairs in time out. And when I raise my voice at him, it really hurts his feelings. There was no peace.
When Ethan got out of time out, I ran upstairs for something and Mary noticed that he was standing at the bottom of the stairs watching for me. When I came back down stairs I opened my arms to give him a hug and he grabbed onto my neck and smiled a huge smile. And he kissed me over and over and over again. Then he wanted me to sit down so he could sit in my lap. I was reading some emails on my phone and kept grabbing my head and turning it toward his so he could see my face. I told him I loved him and he would smile. This happened several times. What was he doing? He was looking for peace. He felt like there was a ripple in the force. He experienced peace when he saw my face and that my face wasn’t angry but instead loving.
As I thought about peace today, and the lack of it, I thought about the verses in Numbers. I find peace when the Father turns His face toward me and see the love and compassion.
Today, I’m thankful for peace. The real kind that comes from God.
